Achieve Inner Freedom By Letting Go of Should’s


This past year I was certified in a fabulous new way of using EFT Tapping called Intention Tapping. Intention Tapping was created by Steve Wells a practitioner in Australia I have been following and learning from for some time. He stumbled onto this way of using tapping and intentions while working on an issue of his own – the best way – and then found it to be super helpful for friends, family and clients. Out of his exploration and expansion of this new technique the certification process was born.

I love Intention tapping for many reasons. The process invites us to bring awareness to our thoughts, emotions and body at any moment, allowing whatever is there to simply be present. We add in tapping on the EFT points along with statements that encourage release of our attachments to facilitate relaxation, the flow of sensations and emotions, deeper awareness and insights, and ultimately more inner freedom.

One of the many ways we can use Intention Tapping is for releasing the countless “should’s” that run our lives. In a class recently Steve suggested we make a list of all the should’s we have. I knew I had a lot but when I sat down to make my list I was astounded by the sheer volume that came pouring out. There were should’s about how I should be, what I should (and should not) be doing, what I should and shouldn’t have done in the past, what I should do in the future.

This list filled 3 single spaced pages! And these were just the should’s about me. I knew that there was another whole list of should’s about people in my life, what they should and should not be doing, how they should be, as well as another list about people in general in the world – like “people should be more mindful” or “people shouldn’t be on their phones so much.” 

There could be a list about how my marriage should be (we should be traveling more, we should have more fun, have a deeper connection, etc.), or how my business should be (my business should be more successful, etc.)

Then there was the list of should’s and should not’s about how life should be, how my life should be and should have been, how the world should be, how life should be in general (like life should be easier, there should be less suffering…) 

I can see a whole notebook dedicated to this topic of all of my should’s/shouldn’t’s.

Where the heck do all these should’s come anyway? Well, I suspect they come from all the authority figures in our lives, parents, teachers, religious and political leaders, of course the media (movies, books, television shows, internet, etc.), and sources we can’t even imagine. There are so many messages coming at us every day, beginning when we are very small, that tell us the right way to be, and how everything is supposed to be. 

Of course there are big problems with having all of these should’s running in our background. When we feel things should be a certain way we’re really locked into one reality which doesn’t leave much room for anything else to show up, for a more creative way of living.

When we feel things should be different than they are we are never present to ourselves, our lives and those around us. We miss the richness of life as it is and miss out on how to respond resourcefully to what is going on right now.

Another problem with having a lot of should’s in our lives is that it creates a lot of resistance in us. Just think about how it feels when someone says to you “You should be exercising” or “You should be more organized” (one of my should’s on my list) I don’t know about you but I find myself feeling judged that I’m not good enough as I am and bristling at being told what to do. Chances are when someone tells us “we should…” we’re going to find all kinds of ways to rebel and not do it. 

When I took a look at my pages of should’s, many about things that I truly love doing, I felt heavy, tense and tired. All that demand and pressure to do more, be more…no wonder Netflix can look so inviting (there was no “you should watch more Netflix” there by the way!)

My next step was to do some Intention Tapping and releasing on the first 10 should’s on my list. This process took about 20 minutes but I will tell you I felt so much lighter at the end of it. Mind you I had only worked on bringing some ease to a fraction of my list, but the amount of inner freedom I felt was amazing, and I was surprised at how much flow and ease I had in my day afterwards. 

I plan to keep on working on the list for sure!

I invite you to try this exercise for yourself. As we step into a new year it’s so easy to lay a bunch of “should’s” on ourselves with New Year’s resolutions and hopes for change. Instead, this year take some time to make your own list and then do your own version of releasing on it. You can burn the list, flush it down the toilet, or use EFT tapping.

Of course, if you want some support around working with all of the heavy should’s in your life, I’m here to help with Intention Tapping as well. 

You can reach out to me at

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Here’s wishing you a new year filled with permission to be freely yourself!